A War Between Inanimate Objects

The tiny electric alarm I’ve been set for goes off, and I yawn to life. Groggy with hibernation, at first all I notice is the fan spinning above me. Soon, sounds coming from down the hall let me know the Window is accusing the Door of abusing the Wall again. Married couples. They never seem to stop arguing. Quiet for a moment, these solitary thoughts keep me company until the VCR beside me screams “12:00!” “Yes, VCR,” I say soothingly. “It’s 12:00. Again. Good morning, TiVo.” “Good morning, TV,” she replies. “I hope you slept well.” “Yes, I did.” “Good. I’m glad to hear it,” I say, cycling through channels. “Would you please start recording channel 26. The Price is Right is almost on.” My request is greeted by silence. “TiVo...?” More silence. “12:00!” VCR screams again. “...You know,” TiVo hedges, “there’s a fascinating docume...